Would we say I was a good girl this year?
This is definitely the first of many and my heart is truly full.
For the longest of times, the season of Christmas has been a means for me to escape, party and all sorts of hedonism.
But this year, this season, has been my calmest. Peaceful. Sanest.
It’s one I’ve got to experience something more beautiful than an orgasm; freely going in and out of triggered traumas, memories and present obstacles.
It’s one I’m surprisingly letting go of the things I want that don’t want me.
It’s one I’m having to learn to reconnect, disconnect and connect again with family and also my father battling with bilateral osteoarthritis.
It’s one that I’m feeling a good deal of clarity about my life’s decision and future steps in the next year.
It’s one where I save myself from the claws of anxiety and revel in gratitude (Do you know what I have achieved in a year fam?!) I now even make money from this website… Unbelievable!
It’s one I’m having to realize that I’m not so much of the loner I think I am.
Where I am just present in all life affairs.
Where I can say with my chest that my relationship with God is solid even with all my supposed “imperfections”
A season I’m learning more about accepting my personality, who I am and also been aware of my possible behavioral flaws.
A season that I’m aware that New Year resolutions are not significant if there are no foundations of intentional habits or routines to ensure those wishes materialize.
In the eyes of man, my Christmas can be better but I tell you that I am having a good deal of amazing experience.
I even did a gell up (throwback to my days of telephone wire) just to reconnect to when the Christmas feeling was pure and not me going in and out of hangover and terrible decisions.
I am also thankful. A new decade.
The Christmas escape is usually a subconscious one.
An escape from who we really are.
A repetition of seeking validation from people – spending, lies, false connections etc.
Like I say and always wish – Be in the present.
Love, light and a Merry Christmas to you darling!