Patterns, Traits & Responsibility: African Parenting

Source: Diary of a Random Child

Today I will be serving Nigerian & personal tea.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but beneath the comic of “the African parents” skits, I can’t seem to unlook the toxic traits as fact foundations of what our generation has become today.

We are trees, who bear fruits that sow seeds to bear trees in the future.

Writing this, I can still hear my mother’s voice in my head saying “I don’t know whose character you are copying. You’re not like us”

Well I can promise myself, that if I do hear her say that again, I will nicely highlight how I am my mother’s daughter.

Behavioural patterns are created from the “birth” society and environment.
Lately, I have discovered that my introverted parts are from having been locked in and overtly protected & monitored.

Same goes for my unexplained shyness & difficulty in expression. I mean, how does a child who is “cautioned” in fear miraculously become bold?

I also have a money problem (saving dysfunction), which my guardians expect me to unlearn all of a sudden.
Sadly, I do not see any figure to emulate such from, so my question is, how do I learn a lesson that wasn’t been taught.

This would further explains why I may attract people who give off fatherly aura or are dominating.
This isn’t mental speculation, I am really thankful for therapy.

Sticking to a diet, handling responsibilities “responsibly“…and more, I have none of that, so how do I “become” with guidance because self guidance is not enough.

The Bible says ” train up a child in the way he should go and when he grows old, he will never depart from it”

Before I go ahead to the main body of this article, I will say that Iam most thankful for the grown soul that I have living within me.

It is one thing to find love, another thing to get married but the greatest is parenting.
I feel it is unforgivable to bring a child (human) in this world without, at least directions to right and sustainable living.

The African parent is that who would commit a home accident or “mistake“, and instead of taking responsibility, would turn it on the child. On the other hand, almost torture a child physically and mentally.

So why wonder how that child tells lies, picks hypocrisy and some other “disrespectful ” behavior when growing up?

The African parent is that who would almost skin the girl child alive for coming within 5 meter radius of a boy, also that who would embarrass the daylight of the boy child on bringing a female friend to the house.

So why wonder how that child isn’t open to you, struggling with anxiety, mental issues, new emotions and instead of coming to You the parent; the one person that should have their best interest at heart, they rather end up in the wrong hands and in some cases never make it out alive.

The African parent is that who treats a child (a human) with tyranny. Scolding and admonishing at any time pleasing, even at the cost of humiliating that child in front of their friends.

So why wonder how that child develops self-esteem issues, withdraws socially, rebels or starts to act with heavy resistance?

In summary, I don’t exactly find the “African Parents” skits funny because it is and is, a clear example and reminder of the roots of the toxicity we fight against.
Little wonder why the rise of mental health instability, well I strongly believe it is a product of technology and the parental abuse that most of us got as kids.

For they were abused and it is a known fact that hurt people, hurt people.
And of course, there would be no need to lay blames on them for our whys, but we can feed on this awareness and make conscious efforts to become better parents or guardians when we chose to have or adopt our own kids.

I intentionally didn’t want to go so deep into the topic, else this blog post would have turned into a full thesis but I’m hoping I was still able to make some sense with the little I’ve said.

In addition I would be speaking at The Millennial’s Hangout by Business Day Ng X Olamma Foundation on Mental Health, and it is happening on the 18th of this month. (This Friday)
If you are in Lagos and you follow my writings, I would really love to meet.

Love and light!!!

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