I wanted to hold off this post till I get my SEO writing really right but like the subject matter, things are really happening.
My last post was about being vulnerable, so I would use this opportunity to put into practice what I preach.
Life has happened… a lot within the past month that I still don’t know if I can properly articulate everything.
I mean, October kicked off nicely, with my bills in check, mental health awareness month and spiritual growth. Praise Jah!
Let me add that when it comes to the love of God, I feel like a complete fraud, but I’ll come back to this.
You see, all my life, I have felt like a fraud, acted like one and not so hesitant to assume the role of one.
It’s easy to think that impostor syndrome negates reality but can someone please get me on a panel of psychologists, so we can discuss this thing called “Human Nature”.
From childhood, crossing over teenage hood and now being an adult, this “compulsory” game rules of how to live life and play smart in life has left me stripped of my true identity, that even the few pieces I am left with, I find myself questioning if they are all a part of me.
So, right now, I am on a chase of freedom and peace. What does that mean though?
The painful release of shackles… shackles of who I really am, shackles of where I am from, my family situation, my living situation, my life and this never ending loop of mistake, repent and repeat.
Peace has been quitting the fight against my past, my anxiety about the future and gratitude for every day that I call TODAY.
Crazy things are happening my love.
So, when it boils down to the only thing that seems like stability and structure, I sometimes shrink and run because do I really even love God?
Someone I really look up to, called me a good person, and I gladly read that with sarcasm.
Me? Good? Buhahaha!
Maybe nice, maybe kind “sometimes” but that word above? I see myself far from that definition.
I mean, I try BUT still miles away.
In reference to the third sentence of this article, slightly surprised and not so much because while I assumed I would write a whole ass research paper on my “experience”, and I also not surprised I summarized my turbulent thoughts into this. tsk!
Major shout-out to creative friends like Promise Onali who encouraged this creation regardless of quality.
The best thing in life is kindness, and so I end this with so much LOVE & LIGHT for you.
Stay Jiggy. Muah!