I feel free…completely free.
From taking actual steps to love myself rightly, seeking therapy, learning, reading, socializing and just feeling alive.
I didn’t realize that unconsciously, I had taken the first step of Closure; taking responsibility for myself.
Before I continue, I would like to quote my favorite Nigerian Poet, Titilope Sonuga
“On healing: the idea of closure is a scam. Baby, create your own closure. Fashion it out of whatever gets you out of bed everyday. Wind it tight around that wound so you don’t need to seek out the person who hurt you to close it for you. Dont look back, there is only salt there.”
I would love to completely agree with her, but as it stands, I don’t exactly.
For me, I believe it takes a lot of emotional maturity to seek closure and not hurt.
Before therapy and up until now, I have crowned myself the Queen of self dialogue; of what, whom and why?
By constantly questioning my happiness and being unrealistically truthful to myself, it has helped me, in answering all questions I throw at myself.
To be very honest, self-denial is popular and real, best believe.
So many people live in imagined happiness, living in past glory, holding on, avoiding dealing with loss and the possible void that comes with that and fear of the unknown (what happens after).
Like I wrote in my book “Self Apology”, it’s ok to cry and feel pain, for we are humans, but I’d also add; it’s not ok to dwell in grief or pain for so long, or try to avoid it totally.
For some reasons unknown to me yet, I had always hated to cry (privately or publicly), even in situations where I was evidently hurt, I would act as though, I was unperturbed. Eventually I discovered that the avoidance and over indulging, led to poor decisions, because most importantly, for every emotions we expect from another human, we owe that first to ourselves; Trust, Honesty and Love.
According to the renowned Dr. Abigail Brenner, “making a conscious plan for the immediate future and making a significant ritual towards the object of closure is important.”
I know the Nigerians reading this would be wondering what a ritual in this context means, oh well, I would love to use myself as a typical illustration.
For the longest of years, I had held on to a name, which I believed our names were written in sync on the sands of time.
Weeks turned to months and months turned to years, and despite the toxic loop, I just couldn’t imagine myself moving on or away.
Then one day, while discussing my emotional and sexual life with my doctor, I make mention that the only reason I hold on (even from a distance), is my belief that we were real soul mates.
As unreal as I feel writing this, closure was her first prescription for me. This isn’t just because of the sake of this subject, but for the fact that I wasn’t seeing how holding on to that certain name or memory, limited me from connecting with other people and feeling.
And then closure happened; for me, it was sort of an unmute conversation (silent but now loud to hear), because my body had spoken for years but my mouth had been shut.
Oh well, let’s just say I’m finally out of my comfort zone and feeling alive all over again.
I’d like to add however:
A realistic approach to pain, hurt or anger actually unsheathes the shadows, to show that they all don’t last forever.
Love and Light!!!