Ain’t anyone telling me that God ain’t real.
Finding a suitable title for this piece was a bit of a hassle given that, I struggle with perfectionism and what a battle it is, to find the right “singular” word to define everything that has happened so far.
If you’re an ardent reader of this blog (shout out to my Dad), then you’ll know I recently got big on faith and spirituality.
A few months back, I found myself in my room in abuja, silently crying and telling God “when will this wall break?“
Like many people, there is a need for some type of breakthrough be it emotionally, financially, mentally or even spiritually.
for me, it was on all fronts. Surprised? Don’t be, even the best, have it worst.
The next day, I had an unexpected call from a friend Shantel and in our conversation, we somehow found ourselves talking about faith, God and waiting on the Lord.
Darling, I repeat, you can’t tell me God ain’t real because while I sometimes wonder why God can’t come to us in some form of audacious grandiosity, time after time, the term “be still” comes to prove that God speaks to us every day, only if we choose to stay calm within ourselves and just listen.
It was as though Shantel got some information from my guardian angels because everything she said to me was some sort of answer/confirmation of what I had been asking God for.
Fast forward to November, like the book TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK says “name what happened to you, call it and then heal from it.”
My ex reached out, not out of anything romantic but just concern for my mental health.
Permit me to digress but this has been something that has played out countlessly in recent times, which has made me wonder if my telepathic powers have gotten stronger.
Well, putting a name to it, I’ll say “borderline personality disorder“
For the layman, it is simply extreme emotional instability, which makes sense why I feel things intensely, and I feel numb when I am not feeling anything. There are no in-between for me.
So, with the self-esteem issues and numerous trauma from various kinds of abuse, I am left as this person, fighting so hard for stability and structure.
Still, I take everything and surrender to God, but you know what?
On Tuesday, the 6th of december 2021, I woke up to apology messages from old classmates(NNSS OJO), especially the ones who bullied me.
For an 8-year-old child at the time, being a boarder and trying to adjust to being responsible for myself was a bit of a rude shocker.
Well, still looking at those messages, I’m pushed to call it, “the closure i never thought i needed” because as I felt emotional with tears almost escaping from my eyes, I felt lighter at heart. Who would have thought? Not me.
Like my favorite poet Titilope Sonuga would say “healing is a constant rocking back and forth…give thanks for the courage to inch forward anyway”.
So, with so much gratitude in my heart, I hope you reading this, find the lesson within the lines.
Love And Light